There you'll be
by Arisia
Summary: song inspired fic - Scully's thoughts about Mulder's life and death


Disclaimer: Of course they aren't mine. If they were, they'd....well, they would have been happy together after the 1st season. They really belong to CC and company and the song, 'There You'll Be' belongs to Faith Hill.

Archive; Anywhere as long as it is left intact and I am given credit.

Spoilers: Deadalive

To the untrained eye, Dana Scully appeared to stand stoically at the graveside service of Fox Mulder, her friend, partner, and lover. The father of her unborn son. But she knew that without the supportive arm of A. D. Skinner around her waist, she would have collapsed long before now. Seeing Mulder's body had been such a shock. She had believed in her heart that he was alive and would come home to her. To them. To her and their son. She knew she was carrying a boy. She mourned the fact that she hadn't had the chance to tell him. He would have made such a wonderful father. He would have loved their child no matter what it was, but to have a son would have made Mulder happy. As she listened to the minister perform the funeral service, she let her mind wander to happier times. If she were to listen too closely, she would loose it and she couldn't allow that to happen. Not here. Not now.

"Sorry, nobody down here but the FBI's most unwanted." Scully recalled the first words Mulder had said to her. He was less than thrilled to have her in his office, let alone having her as a partner. A spy, he called her. She knew that's what They wanted, but it hadn't worked out that way. During their first case together in Oregon, she knew she could trust him. No matter how insane he pretended to be, she could trust him. Especially after she humiliated herself in front of him over the mosquito bites. She still couldn't believe how naive she had been. Running to a virtual stranger in nothing more than a robe covering her bra and panties and dropping the robe to have him check out the offending marks. She was surprised that he hadn't requested her transfer as soon as they got back to DC. But he hadn't. And she hadn't requested a transfer, either. Somehow, even then, she knew they were meant to be together. He once told her that she made him complete, a whole person. Maybe, but he did the same for her. He was, without a doubt, the other half of her soul. He completed her as well and without him, she would never be a whole person again. She was saddened by the fact they hadn't realized sooner how they felt. As they grew closer, first as trusted partners, then as friends, then eventually lovers, she realized that he was the only person in her life that she didn't think could live without. Scully ran her hand over her barely showing belly. She would have to learn to live without him. She had a child depending on her. Their child. Mulder's child.

Scully thought about the night their baby was conceived. The one and only night she and Mulder had made love. The first time, in all their years together, that she had summoned up the courage to tell him how she felt about him. She could remember the look of shock in his eyes when she told him she was in love with him and had been for years. That she dreamed of what it would be like to make love with him. At first, through her tear-filled eyes, she thought he was shocked that she would actually say such things to him, knowing that they could never be together. Or maybe he was appalled at her admission and was trying to think of some way to let get down gently. Above all else, she knew he cared for her and wouldn't want to hurt her. She had closed her eyes and prepared herself for the rejection, for the words she knew were coming, but she wasn't prepared for the fell of his lips brushing hers. He cupped her face and brushed her tears away. "Scully, I..I never thought someone like you could love me." She simply nodded and pressed a tender kiss to his lips. "I was so afraid." she whispered. "Of what?" he asked softly "I was afraid that you didn't love me. Couldn't love me." she said, nearly in tears again. Mulder held her close to him and wished he had the words to tell her how he felt, how much he loved her. "Scully, I ..." he knew at that moment that no words would adequately describe his feelings. He lifted her into his arms and carried her to his bed, placing her gently in the center. "I need you to know how I feel. I want you to show you how much I love you." Those were the last coherent words spoken for the rest of the night.

Scully bent over and picked up a clump of dirt and tossed it on the coffin. How she wished she could climb in there and be buried with him. In fact, she felt as if they were burying a part of her anyway. Her heart. The best part of herself died when she saw his body. With a shaky breath, and Skinner's assistance, she stood and looked around at the mourners as they left the cemetery. "I hate this." she said, voice trembling. "We shouldn't be standing here today." Skinner tightened his grip on her. "I know, Scully, uh, Dana. I would give anything if I could change what happened." Scully nodded and allowed him to guide her to his car.

That night as she lay awake, the phone rang. With a small sigh she rolled over and picked up the receiver. "Scully." Silence. "Hello?" she said. Silence. Scully started to hang up when she heard a voice. "Scully? It's Skinner." Scully sat up and ran her free hand through her hair. "What is it, Sir. Is something wrong?" Her bedside clock read 11:58 PM. "No, nothing's wrong. I just wanted to make sure you were all right." Scully smiled. "I'm fine, really. This was..." she paused, fighting the tears that threatened to fall. Skinner could here the nearly silent sobs. "This was a hard day for all of us." Scully nodded, knowing that he couldn't see her. "Dana, if you need anything, anything at all, call me. Any time. OK?" "Yes, Sir. And thank you. I don't think I would have made it through today without you." If Skinner was surprised at this admission of weakness coming from his strongest agent, he didn't let it show. "Remember, anything at anytime, I'm here for you." Or as much as I can be, he mentally added.

Scully hung up the phone. She knew that sleep would elude her tonight. She decided a cup of tea might soothe her nerves and help her drift off.

Sitting on the couch, she pulled a blanket around her and thought about where her life was going.

"Mulder, I miss you so much." she said as she ran her fingers over he belly. "But no matter what has happened, I will always have a little piece of you with me."


End file.
